The Fellowship of the Pants
by Fellowship of the Band Geeks
Summary: Inspired by the pants game. Sorry to everyone else that's ever written a LotP fic. Don't sue me. The Lord of Dry Cleaners, Sauing, has sewn a master pair of pants. And they STINK! So, someone has to take them to the laundromat for a good washing! by tGR.
1. Prologue

Lord of the Pants

Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings. I also don't own the pants game, aka Lord of the Pants. For anyone that has no idea what I'm talking about, you replace any word in a line from LotR with the word 'pants'. If used correctly, it can be very funny. Sorry to everyone that's ever written a Lord of the Pants including **professionalvampire**, **Insane Dragoness**, **NightmarePanda**, **The Nazgirls**, **Tsuchi no Sennyo**, **demon goddess666**, and **Arrai**. Please don't sue me; I tried my best not to plagiarize. A lot of these lines are directly from the movie, only slightly modified by me. NOT MINE!

Well, here it is.

Prologue

It began with the making of the great pants. Three pairs were given to the Elves, immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings. These pants were kept the cleanest and only worn on the most magnificent occasions. Seven to the Dwarf lords, great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls. These pants were praised because of their heat-resistant fabric. They soon wore out from frequent use. And nine, nine pairs were gifted to the race of Men, who above all else, desire power. For these pants represented the very the strength and will needed to govern each race. But they were all of them deceived, for another pair was made.

In the land of Nocleen, in the sewing room of Sauing's Dry Cleaning Service, the Lord of Dry Cleaners, Sauing, sewed in secret a master pair of pants, to control all others. And into these Pants, he poured his cruelty, his malice and above all, his incredible, putrid stench.

One pair of Pants to rule them all...


	2. The Fate of the Pants

Fellowship of the Pants

Disclaimer: I don't own the lines in italics; those I copied _almost_ word for word from the script. I did change a lot; I still don't own them. Please don't sue me! For the rest of the disclaimer, see Chapter 1.

A/N: The italics are Galadriel's narration from the movie, slightly altered. Some other lines are taken from the pants game.

Chapter 2: The Fate of the Pants

_One by one, the free lands of Middle-Earth fell to the stink of the Pants. But there were some who resisted. A last alliance of Men and Elves marched against the armies of Nocleen, and in the parking lot of Sauing's Dry Cleaning Service they fought for the freedom and clean air of Middle-Earth. _

_Victory was near. But the smell of the Pants could not be overcome._

Sauing had slain many Elves and Men, including King Elendil, before he came to Isildur.

_It was in this moment when all hope had faded, that Isildur, son of the King, took up his father's canteen._

Isildur grabbed the cap of Watrjug, but Sauing stomped on it, denting the side and spilling most of the contents. With a desperate attempt, Isildur let out a cry and sloshed Sauing's Pants with the remaining water in Watrjug, washing off some of the dirt and grime. Sauing let out a cry. "My Pants, my beautiful Pants! They've been washed and not dry cleaned!" He sank to his knees and sobbed before he imploded, sending a shockwave throughout the battlefield thatknocked the warriors off their feet. His armour and pants fell to the ground, his body gone.

_Sauing, the enemy of the free-peoples of Middle-Earth, was defeated. The Pants passed to Isildur, who had this one chance to destroy evil forever. _

Isildur lifted the Pants from their armour prison.

_But the hearts of men are easily corrupted. And the Pants of Power have a will of their own. _

Isildur was riding trough the forest with a group of warriors when they were ambushed by orcs.

_They betrayed Isildur to his death… _

Isildur fell into the river, dead, with a sword gash opening his chest. The Pants came off him and floated down the river.

_And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. _

_History became legend, legend became myth and for two and a half thousand years, the Pants passed out of all knowledge. Until, when chance came, they ensnared a new bearer._

_The Pants came to the creature Gollum, who put them on and wore them deep into the tunnels of the Misty Mountains. And there, they consumed him._

Gollum had a cold at the time he got the Pants. As his sense of smell slowly returned, the stench drove him mad to the point where he talked to himself, sometimes softly chanting."They came to me, my own, my love, my own, my prrrecioussssss panttsssss!"

_The Pants brought to Gollum unnatural long life. For five hundred years they poisoned his sinuses and his mind. And in the gloom of Gollum's cave, they waited. Darkness crept back into the forests of the world. Rumour grew of a shadow in the east, whispers of a nameless fear, and the Pants of Power perceived. Their time had now come.  
They abandoned Gollum. _

_But something happened then the Pants did not intend. They were picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable._

_A Hobbit: Bilbo Baggins of the Shire._

Gollum was stricken by Bilbo's unwitting theft. "Lossssst! My precious pantsss is lost!"

Bilbo, alarmed, put the Pants on over his others and ran.

_For the time will soon come when Hobbits will shape the pants of all... _

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So, you like? Review! Please?

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SmaryK: Yeah, I hope it will be... thanks for reviewing!

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randomrohanfreek: Thank you! Don't worry, I will. ;-)


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